


your lungs will wither and die

by perennials



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: M/M, Post-Canon, dramatic much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-10 03:11:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7828246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perennials/pseuds/perennials
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. (Don't) exhale. Hold this moment forever: Killua’s silhouette crystalline against the setting sun, taller, stronger, less familiar now. Gon’s eyes burning red-hot, helpless, fists crumbling into glass shards.</p>
            </blockquote>





	your lungs will wither and die

one.

 

When Killua says his name for the first time in four years, he does so through a cloud of cigarette-corpse fumes. Gon chokes on it, breaks into a fit of coughing that makes his stomach flip; Killua laughs at him, breathy and airy and light.

 

“You never told me you started smoking,” Gon points out defensively, for lack of better things to say. He's careful to keep his voice neutral, clear of accusatory undertones.

 

Killua shrugs, clearly not bothered.

 

 _“You_ never told me you were gonna vanish off the face of the earth.”

 

The sun blazes overhead, sticky gooey warmth permeating the very atmosphere around them, but when Gon takes Killua’s hand (the cigarette between his fingers falls flat to the ground) it is cold in his grasp.

 

 

 

two.

 

“It was a dare from a friend,” Killua starts suddenly. It’s so soft, it almost gets lost in the sound of waves sloshing drunkenly up against the beach’s periphery.

 

“Mmm?” Gon doesn't lift his head off the other’s shoulder, just angles himself better so he can see the corner of Killua’s mouth moving as he talks.

 

“—it wasn't as bad as I'd thought it'd be. Didn't think to stop.” He rubs his neck absentmindedly.

 

“Huh.”

 

“Since I've told you why I started smoking, you've gotta tell me why you stopped answering my messages.” Killua feigns casualness but it is overshadowed by the sudden tension in his shoulders, the almost imperceptible purse of his lip.

 

Gon swallows.

 

“I—”

 

Silence, silence, and Killua’s eyes say go on, here is your chance to fix things, to turn things around, I am not breathing so you can will this oxygen into a proper apology, but Gon’s mind draws a blank, conjures up images of golden irises and half-moon smiles and dreams lapsing into nightmares that break out angrily across wrinkled, shriveled skin.

 

“You know what, never mind.”

 

Gon closes his mouth but Killua kisses it open again, the acrid taste of ash an avalanche crashing down on his thoughts and senses, blurring everything out of focus.

 

 

 

three.

 

They are on the brink of breaking again.

 

“You're my best friend,” Gon echoes. It doesn't sound quite as magical as it did when they were twelve.

 

“I know.” Killua is backing away slowly, carefully, like one would when handling a frightened animal.

 

“You're my  _only_  friend.”

 

A sigh. “I would've thought you'd have let more people into your life without me around. It can't always be me, Gon.” Disappointment colors his words faded, peacock blue.

 

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. (Don't) exhale. Hold this moment forever: Killua’s silhouette crystalline against the setting sun, taller, stronger, less familiar now. Gon’s eyes burning red-hot, helpless, fists crumbling into glass shards.

 

Gon’s breath hitches. “I can't do this.”

 

“Neither can I.” Killua smiles at him through a furl of silver miasma. “That's why I'm leaving.”

 

_That's why you’re running away, so I can't hurt you first—_

 

_Give me another chance, let me do this again—_

 

His lips won't (can't) form the words.

 

So Killua turns. Killua takes a step away, then five, ten, a hundred more, until all that is left is a cloud of gray fumes, acrid and bitter and fast-fading.

 

Afterwards, Gon finds himself missing the taste of cigarettes.

 

**Author's Note:**

> [EDIT: JULY 6TH, 2018] JESUS sixteen year old me was a whiny piece of SHIT please ignore this author's note and everything about it i was a dickwad and i apologize on behalf of younger me. thank you for investing a piece of your time into my writing, i appreciate it, i really do.
> 
> holy shit im alive  
> this isn't a threat or anything lmao but if this one fares badly like the last two..? yea last two things i dumped on this site yall may actually never ever ever see my face in the fandom ever again. just a thought. see i quite (ohkay im saltin now) liked the last two fics i wrote but the ratios are shit and i know jack shit about how people feel about things and then our school had a funfair and i had feelins so i got bored of writing fic, i guess. and discouraged. idk. but im back for now.  
> if ya liked it, leave a kudo or a comment or don't, whatever floats your boat, really
> 
> have a good one


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